'Stead of Treated We get TRicked

root - Posted on 10 December 2009

Domestic Abuse and System Abuse

by Queenandi and Thornton Kimes/PNN

Its hard to trust the sssystem. Its a doubled-edged sword. Me and my kids have reached out for help and we just get criminalized. It all started when I left the sperm donor and abuser of the relationship in October of 2007.

He thought he was Mister on The Color Purple.

He was perversely violent, promiscuous, and unfortunately not shy about having sex in front of the kids, with or without my consent.

Thinking about the girls, I had to go. I didnt want them thinking it was normal to be abused.

The sperm donor promised to make my life hell if I left, and that promise has been kept. Manipulating the system, especially the family court system, has been his M.O. (modus operandi, method of operation), and the judge has been more than willing to play his game.

My youngest daughter was in therapy and has been forced to visit him; she tolerates him, and it is plain to see her anger.

Her therapy has relapsed. I have to deal with her anger when taking her home after the visits, which used to be supervised. She gets dropped off and picked up from the Tenderloin Precinct Police Station because I wont go anywhere else to meet him.

Isis, my oldest daughter, gets into fights because other kids taunt her about being bi-racial. She had her unfair share of wounds to lick when she bumped her head on the juvenile injustice system.

Getting closer to completing the program, my daughter reported that one staff member in particular was acting like she wanted to keep her there longer, testing her limits and taking points and privileges away from her.

Isis called one day, upset, feeling like she would rather be in juvenile hall.

Why would she work so hard to get so close to freedom from these people only to screw up? No one on staff would admit that any of them were provoking her. Why do this? Their job is to be a support system, to help kids learn to cope with their reality, not to make it harder.

Every time I talk to a staff member on the phone, they are polite and everything is all right. But it isn't.

Im not the kind of parent who acts like the kid is out of sight, out of mind when she isn't home.

I am interested in her day-to-day life, I am interested in how she is being treated, Im interested in why the state wants more money from my poor family when I know that this institution already gets a check for her.

Im interested in getting her home and out of the sssystem.


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