The Claus Crap, Fix It.


root - Posted on 19 April 2009

Sunrise Ceremony On Alcatraz.

New Ads, different take on St. Nick.

If the Give-To-Self-Gift is give us.

It will be the Ultimate Gift Ever!

by Joseph Bolden

The Claus Crap, Correct It!

My turkey day was tiring.

I went to my first Sunrise Ceremony

On Alcatraz, in fact its my first visit ever.

Slightly chilled, solemn but nearly spoiled by my worries of being on time and literally missing the ship, I tend to get lost easy just like my flaky gay/gayelle radar, my geographical sense of direction is equally wonky.

Arriving in the early dawn along with dozens of cold citizens awaiting instructions on embarking, disembarking and safety tips while cruising on the ship.

I'm glad for the experience, may do so again� maybe?

Later in the day a pre Thanksgiving party where I live then off to meet family and friends out of town.

It was then I begin noticing something slightly off or odd from the corner of my eyes.

No big deal but on Bart going away, in advertisements, returning to the city I see�

Ads on a new product which usually isn't unusual but Santa Claus looks slightly different.

Thin with traditional red suit, white beard, sack of toys on a sled � then it hit me!

Santa looks soft because he's a she!

My first reaction is, "Aw Crap, can't we guys even have our St. Nick without him being feminized?"

Wait a sec', why am I steamed at a new cell phone ad?

An old movie came to mind "Skin Deep" staring the late John Ritter.

One shapely women is a lovely, stacked, sexy, bodybuilder Ms. Raye Hollitt in a black bikini showing off her muscular physique and ready for Ritter.

I think, why not place her, Ms. Leslie Morris, or one of the Weather Girls of "It's Raining Men" fame.

Maybe sensuous Plus Size Models, or a just as lovely naturally over developed busty magazine stars.

I wouldn't mind sitting in their laps feeling warm and comfy telling em' what I'd like for Christmas.

Ok, not too massively muscled ladies seen on websites of giant amazon women though maybe too they also can wear the red suit and beard as well as Santa's extremely healthy helpers.

I just want Santa male or fem, be they caucasion, black, brown, red, yellow, or any of rainbow hew in between to be a strong, fierce claus able to kick the mud out of Christmas hating folks.

Oh, and the elves should be just as well built, fit and healthy looking cause Santa sometimes needs backup.

I may not be on radio for a while because an un greatfull or desperate grinch-DJ ripped off radio equipment at San Francisco Liberation Radio (.) Net.

But manure happens and one rolls with it.

Joining a gym, bike riding, walking, swimming, raunchy, dirty, naturally healthy sex with a woman or two also an added bonus when it offered.

Folks, my short term goal is owning a Jack LaLanne Power Juicer and finding Terry Grossman, M.D. "The Baby Boomer's Guide to Living Forever."

I must say its hard to find that book to buy it's borrowed from the library, that book for me as is worth keeping as a reference for when its promise is done.

I'll place it with other immortal works in the Smithsonian Institute.

I don't want much out of life� living way beyond my appointed exit visa well, that's something I gotta' try for.

This could be my first test as one of those future immortals-who-don't-know-that-they are.

At least I have a heads up clue to the proposition being that I'm a mid boomer.

Born between 1946 and 1964.

I was born 8 years after the first crop of boomers, 10 years before the last '64 group so when I heard of and saw the book I knew I'd better buy it if possible and other reference, guideline books for this new age we're in.

Besides I'm curious to find out how bad the
80's and 90's or Gen'X and Gen' Next er's will do.

How badly will they screw things up in the 21st Century as each generation before them had fouled things up before correcting some of it.

It is time to go and to everyone enjoy both holidays safely and stay alive to see next year.

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